The Psychology of ME (according to reliable internet sources)

Capgras delusion is a disorder in which a person holds a delusion that a friend, spouse, parent, or another close family member (or pet) has been replaced by an identical-looking impostor.

I started the day off doing a favor for a complete stranger. I took a Brain Lateralization Test and then answered some questions about algebra. Sounds interesting, doesn’t it?

Well, it was! I LOVE taking tests about my brain, personality, or addictions. As messed up as I feel, I find it comforting to know that there’s an actual name for what’s wrong with me. It’s almost as good as finding out there’s nothing wrong with me.

So, after I completed this test and helped someone finish a research project and quite possibly graduate, I looked for more psychological tests to take. I got some VERY interesting results.

Brain Lateralization Test (Took 2 different ones to make sure): Right Brain (42%, 44%) Left Brain (54%, 56%)

“Left brainers” are orderly, articulate, and literal. They can understand directions or anything logical or explicit. They have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts. They doubt anything that is not stated or proven.

Orderly? Understanding directions? Um, not so much.

“Right brainers” are visual and intuitive. They lack attention to detail and directness. They communicate poorly. They are usually artistic.

My brain is fairly balanced. I’d like to think I have the best of both sides. I wonder which side of the brain is responsible for egotism?

The I.Q. Test Score: 145

As a “left brainer,” I’m supposed to doubt anything not proven, but I’m going with the intuitive, “right brainer” side of me and running with this one. I. Am. A. Genius.

The Eating Disorder Test Probable

Well, crap. If I have an eating disorder, why couldn’t it be one that makes me skinny?

Schizophrenia Screening Test

The questions on this were really freaky and I thought I should skip it. To make sure I wasn’t being ridiculous, I consulted the garden gnome who lives under the refrigerator. She agreed, so no results for this one. What really helps me are the yoga lessons I follow. They support me in my efforts to release my expectations.

The Big Five Personality Test Dominant: Intellect/Openness. Weakest Category: Conscientiousness

On one hand, I’m pleased. I’m smart (genius, remember?) and I like to try new things. On the other, it’s not a good thing for a mother of five to be described as someone who cannot be relied upon. Suddenly I feel like being more left brained. What a crock. Anyone know which side of the brain is responsible for selective reasoning?

The Self-Esteem Test Strength: “Shoulds” Weakness: Rigidity

Apparently, I need to morally justify every single decision I make which, in turn, has put my life in a rut because I’m afraid of failing. Does that make me a bad person? Should I try something new? What if I try something and I’m not any good at it? What if I find the thing I like to do and I’m good at, and it’s something deplorable or harmful or goes against my religious values? Help me! Please!

“The Thinker”

The Enneagram Test Dominant Personality: The Thinker

“Official definition”: The intense, intellectual type, who often excels beyond all others, but can also recluse into anonymity. O-kay. That’s me, I guess. I spend all day alone and I doubt my name is known in wide circles. I spend all day INTENSELY doing laundry and watching Spongebob Squarepants, but I definitely do it in an intellectual way (i.e. while wearing glasses.)

The Pen Name Test

In keeping with the anonymity angle, I wanted to know what pen names would be suitable if and when I write my magnum opus. I got the following, based on the genre of work:

  • Michelle Erickson Romance Novel Pseudonym
  • Michelle Randall Sci-Fi moniker
  • E.M. Rosemont Children’s Book Author

There was no option for melodramatic hack “women’s fiction” author. Any suggestions?

The Aura Color Test Brown

Figures. I knew I couldn’t possibly have a light pink or blue one. It had to be brown. Here are the highlights of a brown aura: practical, male energies, emphasizing body, denying spirit, and feeling worthless. It seems that massive intelligence combined with a compulsion to overeat and morally justify everything I do, while being very practical, is also not very confidence boosting. Hmmm. I sometimes am such a loser. On the other hand, if you only aim for mediocracy, how can you expect excellence?

Internet Addiction High Normal Range

One more point and I would have fallen in the “Need to reassess how you spend your time” category. Thank goodness I have better things to do than, say, take arbitrary and highly dubious psychological tests and share results in a blog or something.

~A wonderful discovery, psychoanalysis. Makes quite simple people feel they’re complex.